![]() He ponders the mysteries of this and other worlds, and tries to find something that rhymes with chupacabra. Punk poet John Cooper Clarke investigates bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster and the chupacabra or goat-sucker. It shares with its illustrious predecessor the fact that its whole existence is predicated upon a title that rhymes. To replace the gap left by Winner’s Dinners, which was a newspaper column about film director Michael Winner eating things, a TV show about Stephen Frears openly scoffing. I think Dirk Benedict would be up for this.įrears Sneers. A space opera about refugees seeking the lost planet Earth, made as a silent film in a Russian montage style. “We’ll always have Hokkaido.”īattlestar Potemkin. To be played by white actors in yellowface speaking gibberish, dubbed into English with fake Japanese accents. Stephen Hawking’s masterwork of popular science presented as an allegorical ice ballet. A late night open-ended discussion show about parasites.Ī Brief History of Time on Ice. On other words, a black screen with intermittent clacking sounds. ![]() Snooker played by invisible men wearing night-vision goggles in complete darkness. In the spirit of Alan Partridge’s desperate suggestion of Monkey Tennis: pedigree dogs from the popular dog show play a violent contact sport on rollerskates. Surprised this hasn’t happened.Ĭrufts Rollerball. Tennis coverage from Winbledon presented by David Dimbleby. Still think this is potentially a winner.ĭimbledon. The next General Election, covered live through the night by actors made up as zombies, acting like zombies (shambling movements, incoherent moaning instead of speech). Cookery show without Hitler.Įlection Night of the Living Dead. Alternative title: He Can’t Stop Goose-Stepping. Sitcom in which a man gets Hitler’s legs transplanted onto him and can’t stop goose-stepping. It’s The Adolf Hitler Show! A history show for kids where Adolf Hitler, boiling in a cauldron in hell, tells the story of WWII. I thought this would be a natural for Channel 5. The adventures of a crime-fighting Führer. None of them have happened.Īdolf Hitler Investigates. I once had a TV show proposal rejected with the words “I found the characters hard to relate to because they were all of above average intelligence.” To be fair to the exec in question, that sentence continued with the words “and mad.”
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